There are so many things that have been on my mind lately...I want to start by saying this is my personal blog. I don't pretend to live in some fantasy land. BUT I do choose not to post anything negative or anything that might make anybody fell down or sad...or sorry for me. I don't post about arguments or disagreements. I try not to vent.
Don't get it twisted. There are lots of tears around here. LOTS. There are dark moments. Filled with doubt. Very sad, disappointing, sucky times. That is one thing that I don't EVER post about. Why would I? I have too much to be thankful for...and proud of. And it's easier to just glaze over the yucky, ugly parts and shine the light on happy cute times. WAY better right?
Life has been moving at warp speed lately. Somebody once said to me that parenthood has long days and fast years. I get it. Sometimes I think "WHEN will I get a break...when will this happen or when will that happen"...then other times I tear up because my little ladybug is growing up and changing too quickly. and she will only be this small, this young, this new...SHE. WILL. NEVER. BE THIS AGE AGAIN. It scares me how fast time evaporates. I have to enjoy it more.
I'm not going to lie. I have had some serious doubts lately. SERIOUS. Fear, sadness, fatigue, irritability but I feel like I am emerging. Not the same as i was before, MAYBE better in some ways, definitely changed... I don't consider myself superficial but the past year or so has made me realize that I do lack a depth. Maybe that comes with age, maybe it comes with experience, maybe it comes with crying your eyes out everyday for weeks. I have always tried to look at the big picture and not get to bent out of shape about little bumps in the road, but when I had AdaReece, I lost track of the difference between big things and little...EVERYTHING was a big thing, OVERWHELMED doesn't begin to cover my sinking feelings. But now, almost 10 months later I feel like I have a better, more even perspective. And isn't that what life, happiness, contentment is all about? Having a good perspective gets you though some tough times. That, and prayer. I have never prayed so much in my life, I realize the power of it and pray all different times of the day. Prayer is another part of my life that was missing before. I am thankful to have always felt loved by my family and always felt the presence of the Lord in my life. Truly, I'm blessed beyond measure.
So, us little weathersBEES are making moves and really starting to enjoy the busy blessed life we live.
XOXO,
D.
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| AdaReece playing in her bubble bath |